I’m 47 now. Strangely, I feel no different than I did last week when I was 46. In fact, I’ve snapped out of my “I don’t even like cake why have a birthday” funk. Enough of THAT crap. Back to the task at hand: a blog post.

What inspires me to write a post today? My fetish for bookmarking Websites that have odd things for sale. Finally, it’s not about Gerard Butler. Well, that’s not really a fetish, it’s just a crude little fantasy I have. Hey, I’m 47. Cut me some slack.

Let’s cut to the chase here. I have an appointment with my pillow shortly (note to self: put more tape on ceiling to keep Gerard poster from falling on top of me in the middle of the night).

Here is the product that currently has me laughing hysterically…and a little worried about who might own one.

The Big Boy Package Enhancer

By the name of it, you’d think it was some sort of bow-maker to adorn your holiday gift wrap. Oh, no…not that kind of package. It is clearly the male version of the push up bra, except it goes in their briefs.

“Are you MAN enough?”  (Obviously not)  This is hilarious. It’s taken me 15 minutes to type one sentence because I keep laughing at two distinct things in the picture…and it’s not the fake bulge.

1. The button that says “Click to Enlarge”  Men are thinking, “If ONLY it were that easy.”

2. The button that says “Send to Friend”  Um…no. I have friends who are men and I would imagine we’d no longer be pals if I sent that email. It would be funny, however,  to send it to that tiny guy from back in 2006 when…….oh, never mind.

Want to read the product description? Sure you do.

“How does a modern man handle a swimming race in cold waters? If you want to look good, you might consider The Big Boy (formerly called The Bulge). Worn under Speedos, Spandex Shorts, Underwear or pants, this flexible unit enhancer will make everything look a little larger. After all, those penis enhancer pills other websites sell aren’t going to work, so why not just start faking it.”

So they renamed this “The Big Boy” instead of “The Bulge.” Can you imagine the conversation in THAT boardroom?

“Well, Joe, I really think this thing will sell better if we don’t make the name so obvious.”

“I agree, Tom, “The Big Boy” sounds more convincing, yet ever so understated.”

Wait.

Who the hell works at the Big Boy company anyway? Seriously, do they get free samples? Have we been fooled by hundreds of Big Boy employees who are required to use the company product?

Just for the record, I think I went on a blind date or ten with men who wore The Big Boy. So glad I wasn’t into one night stands because I would flip out if I saw the ‘flexible enhancer’ on the nightstand. Come to think of it, if I ever DO get back into dating, I’m never going swimming on a date. Could be some false advertising.

In case you were wondering, and I know you are, sales seemed to skyrocket when “The Bulge” was re-branded as “The Big Boy”.  Here’s what is says on the site that sells it:

The Big Boy – Package Appearance Enhancer – Sold Out

Clearly this is a very popular product. Even more clearly is the fact that if they are sold out then they are in the pants of many men across the country.

Ladies, wear your push up bras with pride. There are Big Boys everywhere.