I started out writing my “Ass Hat” award posts with the intention of writing one every Friday. Blame it on the hair dye or the fact that I sometimes have the attention span of a squirrel, but I didn’t keep up. Story of my life. Great ideas, not enough time. Then again, I could say, “So many Ass Hats, so little time.”

So, here we are on New Year’s Eve 2009, on the brink of a nice, round number and everyone is excited to see if tomorrow will be any different than today. That’s why I keep Lucky Charms in my house. I believe.

Back to Ass Hats…and my lack of focus. I need to name an Ass Hat for 2009 and it’s hard. Especially when you live in a state where there’s an unemployment rate that hovers around 12% and they offered a woman from out of state a job with the EDC for $250K … she accepted and then re-negged a week later. Twelve percent of this tiny state’s population out of work and not one of them qualified for a job at the almighty State House. That’s major Ass Hat material, but it’s no surprise if you live here, so onwards….

Of course, someone is expecting me to name Tiger Woods as an Ass Hat for 2009. Nah. That’s just so overplayed. He made some major errors and don’t think he’s not thinking “Dammit, why didn’t I just superglue my zipper.”  Enough of Tiger. He’s paying the price. No need to bash him.

Then there’s Barack Obama. Not going to Ass Hat him even though I’ve received a few emails asking me to name him as Ass Hat of 2009.  He’s our president, I’m not a real political chick, although I am opinionated if you didn’t notice. Let’s just keep two things out of this post: church and politics.

Then there’s my ex-mother-in-law, who for the past 10 years thinks that child support falls out of the sky or I pull it out of my ass when my ex “forgets” for months at a time to pay it. But that’s personal and she’s not really an Ass Hat at all. She just gave birth to one.

Ack…there’s always Jon Gosselin of Jon & Kate Plus 8 Minus Jon and Several Hundred Thousand Dollars. However, he’s just a major doucher and he makes me *yawn*.  Plus I’ll take heat from men who tell me that Kate’s a self-righteous bitch. I’m too tired to debate idiotic crap like that.

Then there’s my son’s middle school guidance counselor who told him that “Art and Music” aren’t really subjects even though he’s passionate about both. He was also told not to speak up…or something to that effect. That’s just beyond Ass Hat level. That’s a “Get into the verbal boxing ring with me you dim-wit!!” conversation for another day.  Let me not forget to give a minor Ass Hat to the substitute school bus driver who drove past my son at the bus stop because she had a student giving her wrong directions and she had no idea where she was going. Actually, tip o’ the Ass Hat to the Transportation Department in the Cranston School System for not giving a flying crap.

Moving on….

I need to make a decision. There’s an hour left to 2009 and I’m fidgeting over here. Who do I choose? Here is what I’m tossing around (last minute as usual):

The health care debate

People who spread celebrity death rumors on social media sites

The underwear bomber of December 2009

The CIA for failing to circulate a report it had about the  underwear bomber

All of these topics tick me off…and they would be great fodder for an Ass Hat Award. However, they have received plenty of press and we all come to expect those in the “top” topics of 2009.

Who is my Ass Hat for 2009?

The USDA Food Safety and Inspection Service (FSIS)

That’s right. Those self righteous people who don’t do their flipping job. Not only do we have to wonder about how safe it is for our children to be in school because a lunatic might shoot up the school yard or how safe we are on an airplane because some nutbag might just put a bomb in his underwear….we have to worry about the extremely poor quality control in the food industry. Are you going to get salmonella poisoning at your favorite restaurant this week? Is your child going to get served a side of E. coli with their school lunch? Is your elderly parent going to die from an undeclared allergy because a product was mis-labeled?

What the hell. Look at this list from 2009:

I supposed they should share the award with the FDA who has their own rather long list of recalls in 2009.

What seems like a weekly alert about E. coli or salmonella in the food that is distributed all over the country means something is fundamentally screwed up over at the USDA. Does anyone inspect the meat packing plants? The distributors? The grocery stores that grind the beef that turns into a casual burger on the grille and then a possible death of a family member.

I could go on…but pretty soon I’ll need my own farm, garden and I’ll have to create my own soil to feed my kids without fear that they will get sick from a simple dinner.

So, as we close out the year, I hope no one is disappointed that I didn’t pick someone controversial. I feel that there are failures and pitfalls all over our government services from the Department of Unemployment to the IRS to the USDA…….and more….but should we fear the food we eat? At what point do we make a flipping hamburger and think, “Hey, I probably won’t get sick from this!”

If you need more reasons to question what’s going on in the beef industry, read this story in the NY Times.

Happy New Year and cook your beef well.

Oh…and Happy New Year. Seriously. Thank you for reading, opposing, agreeing and debating with me all year. Here’s to whatever is in store for 2010.

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Some of the previous recipients of the Ass Hat Award in 2009 here.