Breaking News: My Tiger Texts
Is that a golf club or are you happy to see me?
I thought long and hard about posting this. Wait. That first line doesn’t sound right considering I am going to reveal some pretty personal stuff here. That’s right. I’m revealing my text messages with Tiger. I’ve been avoiding the paparazzi like crazy because I just think it might overwhelm the small state I live in. I don’t even have sunglasses big enough to disguise myself.
Jamie Juggers Jungers, Rachel Uchitel and all of Tiger’s ladies are making millions revealing their sordid relationships with Tiger. I’ve been biding my time. After finding out that Gillette is taking a hiatus from using Tiger in their ads (and finding out that his phone is his favorite gadget because he loves to text), I figured it was time to come clean with the steamy text messages that are clogging up my Blackberry. I swear I didn’t save them so I could become gal number 15 (or is is 14? 16? I just can’t keep up).
The reason I am revealing these text messages is because it’s just the right thing to do. Sorry, Tiger. For the record, I still use Gillette products to shave my legs. Thanks for all the samples.
Here we go….gulp……..
TIGER: I need you.
ME: I’m in the middle of helping the kids with homework.
TIGER: I will wear you out soon
ME: I’m exhausted now. Why would I want that?
TIGER: You just need some attention from me.
ME: I just need sleep. Oh, I got a new piercing.
TIGER: Really. Where?
ME: Left pointer finger. Was using a staple gun to repair something. Didn’t work out.
TIGER: Do you have a boyfriend?
ME: I have 5 kids, 3 cats and a dog.
TIGER: When was the last time you got laid?
ME: More like when was the last time I laid down. I don’t get much sleep.
TIGER: Don’t text me back. I have a lot of people around me.
ME: You? You have no idea what a lot is until you’ve been to my house.
TIGER: Send me something very naughty.
ME: Pictures of my sink full of dishes again???
TIGER: Happy Thanksgiving
ME: I’m having premonitions again…something to do with fire hydrants.
Tiger Woods is a very good golfer but his reputation as a cheating husband made him a bad character.,..
Genealogists never die, they just loose their roots.
HUGE LMAO! This is priceless. I knew you were going to come up with something good regarding this topic. And you didn't disappoint.
You are one funny lady. Thanks for the giggles.
V funny. Loved it.
another great one as usual.
Virgil
http://www.KeepAmericaAtWork.com
OMG Cheryl, you are killing me! I was already laughing at the idea of this post before actually reading it, and now I'm rolling! Hilarious!
A blackberry? 4 out of 5 illicit affairs do better on the iPhone
I say "just do it" on a Blackberry……oh, there I go again with my Tiger phrases as I strip off my Nike socks.
The dishes comment made me chuckle.
and it's just so true—it's sad.