On Finding Happiness
I ran this post a few months ago and it’s one of my favorites. I thought I would re-post this again because it’s a long weekend and I’m feeling complacent. The snarkiness is taking a brief rest.
I read the quote below in Vanity Fair magazine. It’s not funny or sarcastic. It is just straightforward and mirrors my thoughts on life exactly. I think this is something all women should have as their mantra.
“As women, we have more of a tendency to be people-pleasers, and I know a lot of women who are not vocal about what makes them happy. I was like that in my early 20s, but not anymore. I spent a lot of time not being clear about who I was and what was important to me. It’s easy to be taken advantage of if you’re not honest. I knew that dance of trying to please a man, trying to guess what they want you to be, and I got really tired of that, really confused and frustrated. I decided I was sick of trying to figure out what everybody else wanted, and I should just decide what I want, and be honest, and not spend all my time guessing.” -Katherine Heigl
With each year of my life comes change. Some in the form of a new creases under my eyes. Some in the form of a hidden strength that finally surfaces. I spend less time worrying about the creases these days and more time giving myself kudos for finally having strength in areas where I was painfully weak.
Bottom line: I know how to balance that fine line between doing for others and doing for myself. When I finally learned to put myself in first position, people around me became happier. When I removed negative people from my life, or at least ignored them, I started to breathe again.
I am often known as a funny chick. That’s my favorite side. (Well, when it comes to a photograph, I prefer to my right side at a slight angle. Mostly because I haven’t quite mastered the strength of not having chocolate…often. Hips don’t lie.) However, humor is just something that comes naturally for me. The rest of me is a work in progress and a project I want to keep working on. I actually enjoy evolving and becoming a stronger “me” every day. That is how I’ve found happiness.
I don’t have a degree in psychology and I am so not a fan of self-help books. What I do have is first hand experience in is a life that has been an interesting mix of love, fun, disappointment, sadness and times spent just treading water. Otherwise known as surviving. It has been an on-going lesson in the search to be content…with myself.
How have you found happiness in your life? Have you learned to put “you” first? It’s not as easy as it sounds but the rewards are great.
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I also wished I had learned this lesson at an earlier age. I spent my twenties basically on hold and didn’t come into my own until my early thirties when I learned to finally put myself first. I have a 19-year-old niece who is very much the same way if not more so…..tries to keep a fragile sister safe and her quarreling parents from killing each other. I hope I can help her down this same path.
Your posts are always thought-provoking. Thanks!
i can say that as a mother in my 20's, i am a people pleaser. i never want people to be mad at me so i rarely stand up to people or stand my ground. and people walk all over me because of it. including my husband. and he's so used to me being a doormat that he gets angry when i stand up for myself. but when i let other people walk all over me he tells me that i need to grow some balls (um, ok). it's really irritating at best and at worst it's depressing. it's something that i know i have to change but where do you start? when you have been a doormat all your life, how do you get off the floor?
You may not be a self-help person, but you are certainly into personal development Cheryl. You grow and help others grow through your Satirical blogging style. You really hit some key points of life on my many days.
As for happiness, I don't think that it is something that you find. It is living your best and when you live your best you're happy. When you don't. You're not.
Am I happy? I believe so.
Putting myself first has been a struggle. I do it better at some points in life rather than others. But my son always comes a close second. As I get older, I am realizing, if I don't take care of myself, then how will I take care of him?
I enjoy being happy,helping out when needed. It's easy to be miserable , I choose not to. Also don't mistake my kindness for weakness , its sad when people do.
Be happy with yourself and everything else falls into place.
Great post!
Great post.
People pleasing is not a female exclusive.
Finding happiness inside yourself is easy when
your self esteem is content.
I'm OK, You're OK.
it is the rest of the world that needs our prayers.
Nothing bad about feeling complacent. Plus, if you hadn't reposted this, Blondie my friend, lots of us, including me, wouldn't have seen it! Like Joanna, I was overwhelmed with unhappiness and negativity before I could begin to even see I needed to get unstuck. Boy, it sure isn't easy, but I have made progress in the past 3 years. FORWARD!!!!
Thanks for sharing Cheryl…
I found true happiness when I stopped trying to be perfect. It is so liberating!
And like I always say, nobody likes a perfect person. We like people who can admit their faults and laugh at themselves… who have the courage to go after what they want, knowing they might have to climb a few hurdles to get there.
I know this may sound corney…I’ve found happiness in myself. When I learned that when I’m happy “home is happy” I stopped trying to please EVERYBODY. Today I realize and accept who I truly am!
Heather…so true…life got in the way and we forgot we were valuable humans!!
Yes, I’ve finally found happiness! You need to listen to your own voice and honestly believe that it’s as worth as everybody else’s. WHY did we waste so much time trying to be something we are not? Why do we lose the sense of self we had as little girls only to have to regain it in our thirties?
I am a happy person, probably 90% of the time. I put myself 4th consistently, my wife and kidlets and then me. If all four of us are happy, it seems as though everything else is spinning in the proper orbit.
LOVE the article! God knows I can relate as much as the next woman. I think it takes us getting a little older and having to (unfortunately) go through different experiences before it finally clicks and we realize that we count too. What we want from this life really does matter and we’re cheating ourselves if we don’t let our wants and needs be known.
What great comments…I love reading all of them.
John Haydon…you always crack me up!
I used to hate the words “but”. A guy puts a lot on the line when he asks a gal out. When I was in my mid-20s, though, things changed. Teenaged girls are afraid to say “no”, so they say “but” in an attempt to make the guy feel better. The problem is that it confuses the guy. Once women turn adult, they realize that it’s OK to say, “Thanks for asking, but I’d rather not go out with you.” There. Isn’t that easy? The guy doesn’t have to worry about whether he should ask again or not. It’s OK to not be interested.
Eventually, men and women get to be old enough that they are willing to speak truth. It’s OK to tell your wife that you don’t like long-sleeve shirts. It’s OK to tell your husband that you would like his cooking better if he left out 90% of the garlic. It’s OK to say you don’t care for “Pride and Prejudice” because you can’t stand Colin Firth. It’s OK to say that you find televised golf to be incredibly boring. It’s OK to say, yes, your butt looks big in those jeans, and that’s one of the sexiest things about you. It’s OK to say what you want and don’t want, whether it’s in the kitchen, the living room, the garden, or the bedroom.
Remember that O. Henry story where he sells his watch to buy her combs and she sells her hair to buy him a watch fob? Your loved one wants to give you what you want. and you want to make your loved one happy, too. If you don’t talk, it ain’t gonna happen.
So tell him you’d like to play Barbie, and dress him up in women’s clothes, or you’d like to learn how to make pho tai nam, or you’d like to paint the living room burnt orange. It’s OK to express yourself. Interesting people are so, well, interesting.
Love this, Harl…..it’s so true. We only have so much time here on earth so it’s really worth speaking up.
Took me half a decade and staring at an early grave to put myself first. Loosing 120lbs in 2 years, going from can’t get off the couch to running 5mi races. Never enjoyed myself more and the side effect is that when you are happy, the people around you are too. Just listened to ur blog radio btw.
I can really relate to your blog today. When I finally took a huge leap of faith and followed what it was that I really needed to do, not only did life become easier, and I become happier, but the bottom did not fall out from beneath my feet, but instead the universe (and God) provided the things for me and the people to help me at the right time. Life doesn’t always work out the way we intend it to, but we have to trust our instincts and know that life is good, and that it will all work out in the end.
I absolutely love your writings and enjoy your humour and honestly.
Tom…who said I looked hard? It’s when I decided to “Do” for myself that I became truly happy. Are you analyzing again? Shit. I’m having a fist fight over at Facebook about my hotflashes…and now I have to contend with a philosopher. Kidding. Sort of.
PS….nothing deep here…simple post. You just like reading into it. lol
I’m happy…and I will be happier….when it’s Free Chocolate Friday…..tomorrow.
You are wading into deep waters here Blondie…I rather suspect that the harder you look for happiness the more elusive it becomes…happiness finds you.
work in progress, Carissa…when we’re done and we’re “perfect” I think it’s game over. I like working at it. You’re great the way you are….and you always make me laugh
I like your funny side too
! Long as I don’t show off my back side…
I’m having some deep thoughts here.. because you can want things and then get there and not be happy or realize you didn’t shoot high enough.. blah blah blah…
I’m working on it, i think that’s what I’m saying..
I was 37 before I found my “inner voice”. I thought I had found it when I was 27 but then I got married. Once I had the courage to leave that bad marriage, I vowed that never again would I silence my “inner voice” or intuition. My intuition has never steered me wrong, no matter who said that it did or would. I trust ME above all else and that’s the way it should be. Once you place complete trust in yourself, you have a tendency to remain TRUE to yourself and not allow those outside distractions that make you unhappy.
Or as my mom says, “learn to say NO!”.
I found it yesterday – and then lost it.
Oh – here it is! Right where I left it.
I’m not completely there but I’m on my way!
Being honest about what you really want is great once you finally get there!!
I’ve worked hard in this area and am so happy to say that I’ve never liked ME better! I know I still try to please some people, but I’m incredibly aware of it and now, choose whether or not to do it. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t. Really, I’ve found that it’s up to me and who I am, and who I want to be. I like myself and other people like me more because of my honesty.
Unhappiness and being fed up with showed me the way to happiness. But I totally agree with you: being true is a sure way to happiness.