I have many old fashioned family values but when I came across this old reprint of a 1955 Good Housekeeping Article titled “A Good Wife’s Guide” I had to laugh. I always wanted to be a 1950’s wife and mother. Problem is, I was born in 1963, so I missed out.
I love the idea of wearing an apron (I think I touched on the apron subject a few months ago in my post The Apron…I’m Bringing Sexy Back) and welcoming my children home from school and kissing my husband hello at the door with a fresh glass of lemonade in my hand. Just one issue with that…the only apron I currently have is one that says “Beef. It’s What’s For Dinner” (I won it, OK??) and I don’t have a husband. Instead, I greet the children at the door and say, “OK, who has homework? Did you eat all of your lunch??”
Not too much time to squeeze the lemons in the midst of the mayhem.
Do I want to re-marry? I’ve gone from “definitely” to “maybe” over the course of the last few years. I would love to find my perfect companion, but frankly, I’m too busy too really look. From the often strange dates that I’ve had over the past few years, I’m thinking I might not be squeezing fresh lemons for Mr. Wonderful anytime soon.
Below are my responses to the aforementioned Good Housekeeping article. Keep in mind, I’m a bit tired and when that happens I get a little silly. Don’t take my answers as gospel…I still do long for that white picket fence, but this is reality, not 1955.
Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have be thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they get home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.
Try to figure out what you’re serving your children within an hour of the last time you said “I have no idea. How does cereal sound?”
Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.
When the children walk in the door from school, head for the bathroom and tell them you’ll be out in 15 minutes. Screw the ribbon in your hair, kids really don’t care if your hair is sticking straight up because you’ve been battling with the broken toilet most of the day. Brush your teeth and rub a little Noxema on your face. It makes you smell like you just showered even if you didn’t.
Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
I don’t care what your sexual preference is, however, I’m heterosexual and the only time I’m bound to be gay is when I’m told that the last man on earth is Hulk Hogan. By the way, did anyone ever think that my boring day might need a lift once in a blue moon?
Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dustcloth over the tables.
I don’t think I even own a dustcloth. I usually use my sleeve. Sometimes I whip out the Pledge and spray it around the house so it smells like I just dusted. Frankly, to me making one last trip through the house means I’m going to fall. I’ll stay put, thanks.
During the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
Where would I light this? In the middle of the floor? Perhaps burning his Penthouse magazine collection? Oh, and what immense personal satisfaction that would bring!
Instead, during the cooler months, I race to the door to ensure that the children come inside quickly so I don’t lose any heat. After all, Mr. Wonderful isn’t around to pay the gas bill.
Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet.
Guess we don’t have to worry about that! Encourage the children to be quiet? What is this a Quaker home? I don’t think so. We like making noise and if I was ever so unfortunate to be married to a man who needed noise minimized in the house upon his arrival, I’d make sure he knew what “I’ve got a headache” meant….every night.
Be happy to see him.
Especially on pay day.
Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
Does this mean send the children off to their rooms and get on your knees? Oh, brother.
Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first – remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
Yes, and you now live in a third world country. Don’t forget to wear your veil and cover your breasts at all times.
Don’t greet him with complaints and problems.
Just keep them to yourself and when the water heater explodes in the middle of the night, throw your hands up and say “Honey, I just didn’t want you to be greeted with a problem earlier in the evening”.
Don’t complain if he’s late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through at work.
Consider it a blessing if he stays out all night. He’s probably sleeping with his secretary who will lighten the load in the bedroom for you…after all, he’s not as fun as the pool boy.
Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie him down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.
What the hell did he do? Go to work or run a marathon? I’m sure his day was a lot more stressful than doing twelve loads of laundry, cleaning up cat puke, plunging the toilet, preparing a delicious dinner, helping with homework, breaking up sibling squabbles, mopping the floors and enjoying a Slim Fast shake and a sensible snack.
Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
Good God, I’m loving being single. Take off his shoes? If his feet smell anything like my ex’s, I’d say bring in the bomb squad first.
A low and soothing tone isn’t really in my repertoire unless I’m about to receive a spa treatment or I’ve got laryngitis.
Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity.
In other words, lay down and take it. Great advice! Is this why I am divorced now? Shit. I should have just let him screw me over and kissed his ass.
Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.
That’s right. He now has a new wife who can spend her days with the master. I’ve lived the I Dream of Jeannie life…now it’s time for me to be “THAT GIRL”.
A good wife always knows her place
Yes, with her children….enjoying life, having fun, dancing during dinner, jumping of the couch, making noise at the end of the day………..and hoping that one day, Mr. Right will want to join in instead of laying comfortably on his pillow sipping a cool drink.
I have a few old fashioned family values. However, when I came across this old reprint of a 1955 Good Housekeeping Article titled A Good Wife’s Guide I had to laugh. I always wanted to be a 1950’s wife and mother. Problem is, I was born in 1963, so I missed out.
I love the idea of wearing an apron, welcoming my children home from school and kissing my husband hello at the door with a fresh glass of lemonade in my hand. Just one issue with that…the only apron I currently have is one that says “Beef. It’s What’s For Dinner” (I won it, OK?) and I don’t have a husband. Instead, I greet the children at the door and say, “OK, who has homework? Did you eat all of your lunch??”
Not too much time to squeeze the lemons in the midst of the mayhem.
Do I want to re-marry? I’ve gone from “definitely” to “maybe” over the course of the last few years. I would love to find my perfect companion, but frankly, I’m too busy too really look. With the strange dates that I’ve had over the past few years, I think I might not be squeezing fresh lemons for Mr. Wonderful anytime soon.
Below are my responses to the aforementioned Good Housekeeping article. Keep in mind, I’m a bit tired and when that happens I get a little silly. Don’t take my answers as gospel…I still do long for that white picket fence, but this is reality, not 1955.
Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have be thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they get home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.
Try to figure out what you’re serving your children within an hour of the last time you said “I have no idea. How does cereal sound?”
Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.
When the children walk in the door from school, head for the bathroom and tell them you’ll be out in 15 minutes. Screw the ribbon in your hair, kids really don’t care if your hair is sticking straight up because you’ve been battling with the broken toilet most of the day. Brush your teeth and rub a little Noxema on your face. It makes you smell like you just showered even if you didn’t.
Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
If I’m going to be gay, it’s all or nothing. I don’t care for doing things “a little”. By the way, did anyone ever think that my boring day might need a lift once in a blue moon?
Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dustcloth over the tables.
I don’t think I even own a dustcloth. I usually use my sleeve. Sometimes I whip out the Pledge and spray it around the house so it smells like I just dusted. Frankly, to me making one last trip through the house means I’m going to fall. I’ll stay put, thanks.
During the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
Where would I light this? In the middle of the floor? Perhaps burning his Penthouse magazine collection? Oh, and what immense personal satisfaction that would bring!
Instead, during the cooler months, I race to the door to ensure that the children come inside quickly so I don’t lose any heat. After all, Mr. Wonderful isn’t around to pay the gas bill.
Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet.
Guess we don’t have to worry about that! Encourage the children to be quiet? What is this a Quaker home? I don’t think so. We like making noise and if I was ever so unfortunate to be married to a man who needed noise minimized in the house upon his arrival, I’d make sure he knew what “I’ve got a headache” meant….every night.
Be happy to see him.
Especially on pay day.
Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
Does this mean send the children off to their rooms and get on your knees? Oh, brother.
Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first – remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
Yes, and you now live in a third world country. Don’t forget to wear your veil and cover your breasts at all times.
Don’t greet him with complaints and problems.
Just keep them to yourself and when the water heater explodes in the middle of the night, throw your hands up and say “Honey, I just didn’t want you to be greeted with a problem earlier in the evening”.
Don’t complain if he’s late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through at work.
Consider it a blessing if he stays out all night. He’s probably sleeping with his secretary who will lighten the load in the bedroom for you…after all, he’s not as fun as the pool boy.
Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie him down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.
What the hell did he do? Go to work or run a marathon? I’m sure his day was a lot more stressful than doing twelve loads of laundry, cleaning up cat puke, plunging the toilet, preparing a delicious dinner, helping with homework, breaking up sibling squabbles, mopping the floors and enjoying a Slim Fast shake and a sensible snack.
Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
Good God, I’m loving being single. Take off his shoes? If his feet smell anything like my ex’s, I’d say bring in the bomb squad first.
A low and soothing tone isn’t really in my repertoire unless I’m about to receive a spa treatment or I’ve got laryngitis.
Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity.
In other words, lay down and take it. Great advice! Is this why I am divorced now? Shit. I should have just let him screw me over and kissed his ass.
Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.
That’s right. He now has a new wife who can spend her days with the master. I’ve lived the I Dream of Jeannie life…now it’s time for me to be “THAT GIRL”.
A good wife always knows her place.
Yes, with her children….enjoying life, dancing during dinner, laughing at bad jokes, making lots of noise at the end of the day…and hoping that one day, Mr. Right will want to join in instead of laying comfortably on his pillow sipping a cool drink.
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You are funny! We obviously think very much alike! and, the only apron I have says "I never said I actually know HOW to cook"!
This was smart advice for women in the 50's who'd ended up with a guy who both earnt enough $$$ have a woman having the luxury of permanent paid leave via husband (today wives married to such still need to go to work to get an additional income, care for their kids & domestic tasks -even if shared,hence not at work is only holiday leave), didn't presume to expect her to share that load of getting family income, or would too readily divorce her.
Hence one reason to keep him happy or prepared to at other times meet her needs is being stuck together for good, it may as well be happer than miserable.
The fact is the list of niceties for that day are not that time consuming, in other ways a woman in the paid workforce does parallels to her clients or bosses, to be effective and succesful. It doesn't say to never share problems, just when the audience really wouldn't be receptive. Tactically the most powerful statement and impact regarding behaviour that the other knows is dicey like staying out all night is ignoring it. The anticipated fear of the transgressor in what may be brewing or their potential irrelevance ( like what has she got going that it's not threatening her) is massive as they had figured in an angry reaction plus their justifications. The woman can't loose, he'll quit it or is so irredimable in that behaviour pointless to waste energy on it, but does the rest required & she's given him no cause not to provide for her main needs. Where he needs to have the illusion of being the master of the house etc., well in the paid workforce the same is done for ones bosses. This doesn't mean that one hasn't got power to influence , make decisions etc, that type of husband like the boss knows what you are worth & can do plus relying on that.
These days no husband wants most of this, he needs a financial help mate, that play is done by the husband and wife in it's fullest mode to their work settings. Today's husbands looking at the mortgage payments, school fees, medical costs, holidays etc., would rather get the family meal started, drive a kid to one activity while the wife cleans up the meal, picks up the kid and both get on their own pc's to finish of stuff from work, as long as there is caring , respect and sharing of all responsabilities, especially financial ones.
Very funny & honestly motivating to read! Enjoyed learning & empathizing with the single mom through such witty writing…
.-= gina´s last blog ..Lady Gaga does Out Magazine……Nude =-.
Okay, the good husband’s guide is done. I fear it’s not as funny as the good wife’s guide, but I promise it is more practical.
http://www.fwrenaissance.com/fort-worth-mom-blog-the-good-husband-guide/
.-= Sonja´s last blog ..Fort Worth Mom Blog: The Good Husband Guide =-.
Sounds like the Good Wife’s Guide was the inspiration for the Stepford Wives – Yikes!!
Cheryl, I found this article years ago and read it at several wedding rehearsal dinners. It always generates tons of laughs. Good job!
I would have made a TERRIBLE 50’s wife…
You have been missing from my reader! I wonder what happened?
Darn, Ken took my comment. I have watched June Cleaver and never did she treat Ward like that. Indeed, as soon as Ward walked through the door he had to deal with something Beaver did. Reminds me of my ex who used to say to me “You never tell me thank you for working all day” my response “You never tell me thank you for working all day”. I think my ex must have read that Good Wife’s Guide at some point. Must be why he is my ex.
I enjoyed your post as I always do. Very refreshing twist on things. Love.
.-= Gerlaine´s last blog ..Dress for Success | Day 2 =-.
Jenn–I’ll definitely wear the apron. Get sewing, lady.
Sonja–I can’t wait to read it! Let me know when it’s up!
Ken–Chivas is better than lemonade, I suppose. Or maybe lemonade with a shot. Not sure…but I do wish I was one of those 50’s/60’s housewives. SO loved the June Cleaver look…and I’m positive she was a hot chick beneath that perfectly pressed dress.
Tim — the flattery comes in handy when I’m tired.
Now, why doesn’t GQ and Men’s Health put out articles on how men can be better significant others’ and put a completely likewise sexist view on them?
That’s it. I’m getting you an apron. Hell, I’m DESIGNING you an apron. Mind, it’s #137 on my list of shpoopt to do, but I will get there….
I don’t think Leave it to Beaver, Father Knows Best, Donna Reed or any of the rest of those great late 50s and early 60s family fantasies even come close to this stuff. Of course, having the cool drink ready means a double Chivas and two ice cubes with another ready in a few minutes. And I think you picked up on the “sincere desire to please him” pretty well. Did women like that really exist?
.-= Ken Montville – The MD Suburbs of DC´s last blog ..Selling Your House in the Rain =-.
ROFLMAO! Did that fantasy ever really exist in the 50’s? I’ve seen this story somewhere before. I was too young to see it too. Your comments however, are all too real. What’s wrong with those men in Rhode Island? Your smile and green eyes would floor most guys I know (I grew up in the South). You have a great sense of humor too! What more could a guy ask for?
You have a great looking family! I hope your son is recovering comfortably from his surgery. Keep the reality coming! You never know who you may touch and inspire.
sorry new email is marvwilson2020@gmail.com
.-= Marvin D Wilson´s last blog ..A Win-Win With Great Blogs Almighty! =-.
Cheryl please contact me off blog. You haven’t seen my distress signals? My blogs have been wiped off the face of the planet.
New gmail: marvwilson2010@gmail.com
Still twittering at: http://twitter.com?Paize_Fiddler
.-= Marvin D Wilson´s last blog ..A Win-Win With Great Blogs Almighty! =-.
I have to admit that I read “the total woman” (c. 1973) which is all a lot of this stuff. And honestly, it’s not all bad. I mean, it would be okay to do one or two or three of these things every day. But all of them every day? No matter someone made up the concept of the “Stepford Wife.” I mean, a human couldn’t handle it.
That said, I have always thought someone should write “The Good Husband Guide.” Hey, maybe I’ll do it! I could write a short blog piece full of suggestions for how to be a good husband.
I’ll let you know when it’s posted.