The Origin of the Swine Flu
I was not going to post about the Swine Flu. Really, I wasn’t. In case you are not familiar with the name, it is also known as the H1N1 virus and soon to be known as the virus that spread faster via the media than by a cough. Seriously, if you haven’t heard about the Swine Flu you’re most likely dead. It’s that popular.
You cannot escape constant news about the Swine Flu. Chances are you are probably not going to catch it unless your neighbor just got back from Mexico and is coughing in your face. However, it is really tough to avoid HEARING about the Piggy Sniffles because it has become such media hype that even our cats are wearing face masks. OK, that’s not true but that is how insane this whole thing is. Even my new sidebar on Twitter shows that #swineflu is a top trending topic. Yay. Seriously, how many Twitter updates do we need about how to wash our hands and who “might” have it?
Let me get to my point here before I fall asleep and have dreams of pigs kissing me. Ugh. That’s like reliving some bad dates.
I KNOW THE ORIGIN of the SWINE FLU.
That’s right. I have it all figured out. It didn’t start in Mexico on a pig farm. Leave the dammed oinkers out of it.
IT STARTED in the White House. It was all part of a master plan to stimulate the economy. The bail out wasn’t working, so they decided it was time to go to Plan B. Here’s how it went down:
- President Obama made a quick stop in Mexico under the guise of addressing border security, drugs and trade issues. Much like Agent 007, he secretly hid a vial of lab created influenza virus in the heel of his shoe.
- Before he left Mexico: He opened the vial, did the hokey pokey and shook it all about.
- Obama quickly applied hand sanitizer and leaped aboard Air Force One in a single bound.
You’re probably asking, “How does this plan stimulate the economy?” Excellent question, my intelligent readers!
- The media is alerted immediately when one person in Mexico coughs. A pre-determined story about a looming pandemic sets off a wildfire of news reports.
- The American people, glued to their electronic devices, panic.
- Immediately Walmart and other retailers have hand sanitizer and surgical masks by the caseload displayed prominently in their stores.
- Cash starts flying. People who cannot afford to feed their children go out and invest in products to prevent their imminent death. All from a virus that is rumored to have started in a pig sty and is going to wipe out the population if we don’t use hand sanitizer, wear a face mask and remember to use that ever-so-annoying “fist pump” instead of shaking hands.
It’s all part of the master plan. Create pandemonium. Blame poor, innocent pigs. Mass produce hand sanitizer. Encourage greedy losers to start businesses selling “designer” face masks.
Alright, I’ll admit it. My theory is a bit far-fetched. Or is it?
My eight year old daughter came home from school today and said, “Emily has the Swine Flu. Her Dad caught it at work.”
“That can’t be. How do you know?”
“Because she didn’t come in to school today and that’s what we think happened.”
And that’s how rumors start…and how the a media circus just won’t quit. I realize that the threat of this virus spreading is indeed a bit unnerving, but I think common sense guides most of us in a situation like this. This is no longer “late breaking news“…it’s hype.
If only pigs could fly……..
DISCLAIMER: In case you’re taking me seriously or going to give me a verbal beating for picking on the Swine Flu frenzy, lighten up please? My blog is not a place to come for accurate information or news updates. It’s a bit of satire. Relax, peeps.
Photo Credit: www.gyroworldwide.com
David Boreanaz and that girl from Bones would really make a great a couple.-”"
I knew if you were going to talk about the swine flu, you would like totally make it worth the read.
The media loves to whip us all up into a needless frenzy. I’m glad you’re turning it to grins.
This little Piggy Went to Market, This little Piggy stayed Home.
I may have been offended with the new virus outbreak name but exposure is exposure good or bad. Miss Piggy, will be healthy, wealthy, and wise.
The good out of this: we are more concerned with our own and other’s well being.
I can’t pull comments…because I think that’s what blogging is all about. I do think that Dana was being funny—she’s a great woman with a huge heart. Low mentality is not how I’d describe Dana….her comment was made with humor. Not meant to be offensive.
Blondie, that last comment that was made by Dana should be pulled. That shows how LOW her mentality is. I see that she does not have God in her life.
Blondie
You got it all wrong!!
I heard that someone once said that “A Black Man Would Be President When Pigs Fly”
Here it is 100+ Days Into Obamas Presidency……SWINE FLU!
It’s really a good thing that pigs don’t fly. The Egyptian government would have to stock surface to air missiles in order to protect their Muslim citizens from the imminent danger produced by Christian pork.
Somebody PLEASE tell the politicians to get notes from their epidemiologists before they open their mouths. Or kill off the only extant form of survival of a whole population.
We don’t have enough loathing right now so the media is now selling fear.
Seriously though, the media is no longer about conveying information to the public…its about market share, ratings, sales, and entertainment…
You’re not that far off. The media is having a slow month. No big, new war news. The economic meltdown is so last month. What else is there to do? The media thrives on creating hysteria which is what sells advertising on the airwaves and in print. It’s crazy. They did it with the housing market. They did it with all this banking and car stuff and “too big to fail” or China calling in all their IOUs.
Puh…leeze.
I remember seeing the hysterical “simulations” about the spread of the avian flu that would essentially do worse damage than a nuclear attack.
Sometime people complain that the media doesn’t talk about any “positive” news. I’d be happy if they just reported current events in some sort of objective fashion without whipping everyone into a frenzy.
Very funny
)
I just subscribed in Google Reader.. AGAIN LOL
@ Fiona: LMAO!! Isn’t it SAD when they are saying it’s NOT spreading as quickly as they thought??? Almost like they are pissed off. Purell might want to get another vial of influenza and get things moving!!
Michaelette…thank you so much.
I’m not really that funny in person but I’m going to work on that.
LOL I broke down and vlogged about it this week. I saw a headline last night that said “Flu Not Spreading As Quickly As Predicted” perhaps it was because of the run on Purell??? Perhaps not??
http://www.banteringblonde.com/2009/04/casual-friday-renaming-swine-flu.html
I really enjoy reading your blog. I found you through twitter and am glad I did. You are so funny.!
Kim–my daughter is a nurse. I don’t take this lightly. I said that in the end…that it is important to be aware…my blog is NOT a place where I post serious info. I am mocking the media…not the healthcare system.
Preachy? Yes. But I am preachy too when I’m passionate. I take my health and that of my five children seriously. My blog, however, is just a place for me to have fun.
I think the reason why people get in a panic is because there is too much hype–instead of just plain GOOD information. My blog is not the CDC..it’s a place for me to just vent or have fun. I’m sure you must know that I’m KIDDING around…..if not, I’m most definitely going to put a disclaimer on my blog.
Relax, my dear….I know what’s going on…I am lightening the moment.
I don’t get it. As a nurse, I see time and time again that the medical system gets blamed when we “don’t do enough” to save lives, and yet ridiculed when we try and educate the public about helping control the spread of a deadly disease. I think you forget that us healthy and well-cared for United States citizens are an unusual thing on the planet. Most people in the world are poor, and have no means of obtaining medical care. In addition to ourselves, it is those people we are also trying to protect. I know you were trying to be funny, but actually a wide-spread flu is more likely to cripple our already tender economy–if you have ever actually had the flu you would know that it renders you useless for days–if left unchecked, what little productivity is out there right now would be stretched and strained to the point of collapse. The New York school where a handful of students (7) tested positive jumped to 37 testing positive within two days. Thankfully, the school was shut down. At that rate of spread, it would have infected an additional 185-195 students in another two days. If we hadn’t taken measures just in that one community alone, in another four days it would have been over 4,500 cases. What I think you really wanted to talk about, as evidenced by the first paragraph, is that by the sheer number of media outlets that we have available to us today, we drown in repetitive information. And, it speaks to our American mindset of how quickly we grow tired of things–our collective ADD–that is really the unfortunate and insidious message of your posting. We are more guided by the whimsy of the crowd on Twitter then we are by common sense and knowledge, and when we grow tired of the message, no matter how important, we make fun of it until something else grabs our attention. I know all of what I said is very preachy with a side of finger-shaking, but it is just not yet time to take this subject lightly.
Jeremy—I hadn’t thought of that! lol
You gave me a great chuckle to start this rainy day! Hilarious. Like the comment about flying over NY.
Thats halarious. Or maybe its bio-warfare to curb illegal immigration by reducing the population south of the border….. that was my thought.
Piggie Panic…needs to stop. Did our mothers teach us to wash our hands? Now the Prez tells us.
That’s funny!! I’ve been sick all week with some respiratory issues & every time I tell someone I’m sick they get all freaked out…even my 7 & 9 year old!! They’ve been closing ENTIRE school districts here around the Dallas/Ft Worth area over cases where there’s only been ONE kid confirmed with it. I mean, it’s sad when you have to REMIND people of the importance of washing their hands/sanitizing your hands & to cover your mouth when you cough or sneeze.
In the words of Public Enemy,
Don’t, don’t…don’t believe the hype!
Good post. And not far fetched at all. In fact, with the research I’ve been doing, perhaps a bit too close fetched. If ya want a real eye-opener watch the clip I put up on Tie Dyed Tirades blog yesterday.
You forgot, “when Obama got on AirForce One he flew over New York and tried to dump some of the vial out there, but they were too high up-the wind would blow it past NYC- so Obama had to take the plane down lower, which scared and freaked out many and that’s why AFONE was doing that funny business. Hmmm.
Even if pigs could fly they could not out fly the mass hysteria that is going on. People die from the “regular” flu every year. When the bird thing/flu (what was that again?) was going on, it was reported then that more people die every year from the regular flu than from that panic driven flu killed in its 15 minutes of fame. If people would just use common sense and hygine the world would be a better place. G’nite!