Sidetracked By A Sweet Potato
I’ve spent the last day and a half trying to put together a new blog post. All of the words are swirling around in my head but they aren’t making it all the way to the computer keys. It’s a good post. One that will undoubtedly make people say, “she’s asking for it” or “why can’t she just be satisfied with posting about chocolate.” As much as I like chocolate, I can’t keep writing about it because every time I write about it, I eat it. Well, that’s not a bad thing, come to thing of it…
So, here I am writing a quick post (I have no idea how to write a quick post) because I feel blogger’s guilt. Guilt that I haven’t posted in two days. Guilt that I haven’t finished the post I’ve been trying to write for two days. What the heck have I been doing with my time?? Well, for one, I’ve been blowing up sweet potatoes. That’s right. Only a left-handed, Polish, bottled blond could pull this one off.
OK. So I blew up a sweet potato today. Big deal. I had another one as backup. Today I got back to eating, which I hadn’t done much of since my insides were invaded by Sal of Monella this past weekend. My favorite thing to eat when I’m not overly hungry is a sweet potato. I know. Strange lunch. Get over it. I’m not really a conformist. Newsflash.
When I’m not cooking for anyone but myself, I throw the potato in the microwave. Six minutes and I’ve got lunch. Not today. Oh…no…not today.
I put the big old sweet potato in the microwave and set it for six minutes. When the timer went off, it wasn’t quite done yet. It was on the large side and I like my potatoes large….oh yeah. Feeling really on my game today (for a change), I decided to set the microwave to continue cooking for two more minutes and walked away.
Then the phone rang.
I started yapping and could smell the fan-flipping-tabulous aroma of my almost cooked sweet potato. It smelled even better because I haven’t had much more than broth (gross) and plain pasta (delightful) for the past few days.
I continued to talk and then started to smell smoke. Smoke that smelled like my microwave was
ON FIRE. Or something was on fire. Holy sheet.
I hung up the phone and headed for the kitchen where I cut through thick smoke. OK, it wasn’t like I was in the movie Backdraft but “thick smoke” makes the story sound better. It was actually just smog. Black smog.
And a sweet potato burning out of control in my microwave.
The aroma wasn’t so great anymore. It was similar to burning electrical wires with a grilled potato accent.
I put the potato fire out. Almost electrocuted myself in the process. I always wanted curly hair.
I had no idea what to do with the flaming potato that was now 1/8 of its original size. I opened the window and hurled it out into the rain.
I threw a burning potato out my kitchen window. I’m really in need of some big time medication. I could have ignited a neighborhood bonfire.
Poor little sweet potato. Never had a chance. Now it was laying on the brown grass smoldering. I was hungry. Sort of. The smell of my burnt microwave was making me a little queasy.
My smoke alarm was going bonkers (Hey! It works!) and the smoggy black crap was spreading throughout my mansion, I mean small home.
It was freezing outside and pouring rain but I had to open windows. Couldn’t have burnt the potato yesterday when it was 60 and sunny. My timing is always impeccable.
Queasy stomach aside, I decided to put the other sweet potato (the one on stand-by hoping he wasn’t going to burn in a tragic fire like his brother) in the regular oven. For forty-five long minutes. Of course, I kept checking every five minutes to make sure the potato wasn’t encased in flames.
If you need my recipe for char-broiled sweet potatoes, just send me a message. It’s a great way to have an excuse to get a brandy-new microwave, too!
So, the day is done and I’ve accomplished nothing. But I did write a blog post. Not the one I wanted to post, that’s still sitting in my head….but what do you want from me? I was overcome with smoke today and I barely made it out of here alive.
Tomorrow…I promise…the post. The post I really need to write.
As long as I don’t blow up anymore potatoes, that is.
***The fabulous drawing of my “hot potato” was done by the equally fabulous Deb Brown. Check out her other work on her blog A Life In Days. Find her on Twitter as @artedeb.
Hi.
I hope you had a fun VGNO.
Today I am leaving 100 comments.
Wish me luck!
Have a great day!
Just checking out the party hopping. I have never done this one. nice to meet you have a great day!
haha, I loved it! Visiting you from SITS, and smiling more because of it :0)
Have a wonderful day!
Wow! Lol what a hilarious lunch. My stomach would have not been laughing though. When I’m hungry I need food now!!!! Hope your feeling better, my mother has has an intestonal virus for 3 weeks now and she is miserable!
Oh Dear, that is quite the story! I have a big fear of setting something on fire…haven’t done it yet. Hopefully, I won’t!
Well at least you threw it out in the rain and not out on the hottest day of the year. Your blog always cracks me up!
Just dropping by again, for the GNO!! Have a great night!
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That was hilarious! Probably not so funny for you at the time, but thanks for the well-written hilarity!
Stopping by to freshen up your drink…Happy VGNO!
poor potato
have a good weekend! Happy VGNO
OK this HAS happened to me but not to the flaming inferno you had LOL. I can just imagine the face of a neighbour walking by your house when a flaming potato flew out the window.
I don’t have that problem anymore. My new microwave has a baked potato option LOL.
I can just picture the potato flying out the window!! This is priceless!
Stopping by from the VGNO
Ya see…this is why I don’t cook…unless it comes out of a box or a can. I can’t even make toast at work w/o setting off the fire alarms! *lol*
Oh my…what a mess! Did it really destroy your microwave? I could see how a flaming potato sitting in there might do it. Stopping by from Ann’s virtual GNO.
I am seriously dying here… laughing my ass off.. my hubby thinks i have lost my mind! This has got to be one of the funniest posts I have read in ages… tears are still coming out of my eyes I am laughing so hard!!!
i’ve blown up a potato too. what a mess! have a great weekend
Now I normally have a witty comment for you but this time…..you’ve got me. Blew up a sweet potato. Hmmmm. I just don’t even know where to start with a comment. I can’t even being to imagine what that smelled like. Imagine the neighbors seeing what looks like a rock being thrown out of your window. Glad u are okay though.
Happy VGNO
Hey GNO girl!! I did not think one could set a potato on fire in a microwave. guess you learn something new every day! Glad you finally dumped that loser Sal. What a mooch. He was sucking the life out of you!!
Oh, gosh! That is just too funny. I love the idea of throwing a flaming potato out the window. Who needs a fire extinguisher when you can just toss stuff on fire!
Happy GNO!
OMG, you are too funny! Great visuals. I’ll be snickering to myself all evening.
Very funny, and I was just thinking of suggesting you post on some of that organizational prowess of which you spoke on Coffee with Tracy. I need help in that department, because I am always dealing with some manner of blown-up potato fiasco. I suppose it can happen to the best of us
Funny butternut squash blow-up story: my husband recently decided to bake a WHOLE butternut squash on high heat without pricking any holes in the skin. As I walked in the door, he was taking the squash out of the oven and it exploded — yes — in his face, and all over the walls, ceiling, floor and counters of our kitchen. He is fine, but we are still finding seeds and strands of orange coagulated muck in the least likely niches. Not sure which I’d prefer — to have to buy a new microwave, or to feel that I live in a permanently sullied kitchen. . . .
You’re a riot! Give you anything and you can make it funny
You need a vacation somewhere warm and tropical (and potato free).
Whitney–
Unfortunately my sink is not near my microwave. Window was the closest place. Thank GOODNESS it was raining. LOL
Hmm… Maybe you could have just tossed it in the sink and doused it with water… but then what fun would that be for a blog post like this…
I also consider myself to be somewhat of a Betty Crocker cook. MMMmmmm… However, I always use a kitchen timer when cooking because, unfortunately, I have have a habit of getting side tracked. If a friend calls or the dog and cat get into a brawl, that’s it, the cookies are crispy critters or the stir fry… more like stuck fry…
Thanks for sharing your sweet potato adventure!
You crack me up. (And I hate sweet potatos, by the way.)
Awesome. I can so see myself doing that. (Glad I’m not alone.) Hey, quite a variety of food items have hit the back lawn via kitchen window over the years!
Fun! Think I need to go work on some sweetpotatoes for tonight!
You call this a “quick” thrown together post? Scared of you! (smile)
Suggestion: if writing about chocolate makes you eat it, try writing about sex just as often – helps you work off the calories.
Hey – was that a burnt sweet potato you just threw at me?
Best is to use a wet rag for any kitchen fire including grease. I threw a whole TV out a second floor window once because it was on fire. Of course the imploding picture tube spread the fire to good part of the grass. Lucky there was an outside hose. LOL.
mmm sweet potatoes! I’m a veggie fanatic anyway so of course a potato story would get my attention! Okay, I am now ready for “the” post! Bring it on! lol
)
You burnt a potato… LOL. Still feeling like Betty Crocker? LOL I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t be laughing when you could have burnt down your house… and the neighbor’s by throwing a flaming potato out your window… but it’s freakin’ hilarious! “burning electrical wires with a grilled potato accent. ” Omg, I almost spit water out of my mouth! That was a great post and I’m very glad you’re ok. Enjoy picking out a new microwave! LOL
Oh my aching sides! Ok, not really. It’s late and I didn’t want to wake everybody up in the neighborhood so I suppressed my guffaw. The picture that you placed in my mind of you running to the door and catapulting a flaming sweet potato- wow! That could be an “I Love Lucy” episode. Thank you for my sweet potato dreams tonight. Here’s a thought: “Life is a tragedy when seen close-up, but a comedy in long-shot” (Charlie Chaplin).
Rhode Island News Gazette…headline….Blonde arrested for murder. Parents grieving the loss of their sweet little potato, shaking their fist in exclamation that they will not rest until they see justice. Local news crews to report on arraignment in Evening Edition.
mmm ilove sweet pots. this restaurant down the street makes sweet pot enchiladas!!! omg best things ever! im sure now u have cancer from standing in front of the micro for 45 mins huh?!!?! good going!
Hehe! That was funny.
My fave part was, “I threw a burning potato out my kitchen window.”
I couldn’t stop laughing at that
So if a group of folks come over for dinner and everyone is in another room we will know when dinner is “ready” once we hear the smoke alarm?
Good information…
Your right, now you do know the smoke alarm works.
Wait..I think I better go check my microwave.
Good blog