Welcome Guest Blogger Annette Fix! Author of “The Break-Up Diet: A Memoir”
I am so excited to have author Annette Fix as my guest blogger today as part of the WOW Women on Writing Blog Tour. Not only is she an amazing writer, she is an incredible person. In the short time I’ve gotten to know Annette via email, she is someone I can relate to in so many ways. Plus she has no problem writing “blow job” in her post here. Saying it like it is without all the sugar is just the way it is around here at The Daily Blonde. Annette, you’re fabulous.
Annette’s book, The Break-Up Diet: A Memoir, is a book I could not put down. I found myself cooking dinner and holding the book with my free hand so I could keep reading. I think anyone who has gone through a break-up can relate. Annette’s perspective appealed to both my sappy and humorous sides.
How timely that I have Annette here to post about Valentine’s Day, the holiday that I think is so over-rated yet puts everyone into a tailspin. Enjoy Annette’s post and enjoy a GREAT Valentine’s gift: a free download of Annette’s book, “The Break-Up Diet: A Memoir“. Details follow the post and comments are oh-so-welcome!
St. Romantic Expectations Day: T-minus 1 Day and Counting…
By Annette Fix
When you see a t-minus countdown, you typically expect the launch of a rocket, the explosion of a bomb, the start of a race, or the approach of a New Year—according to Wikipedia. Personally, I think they need to expand that definition to include the clueless guy exclamation: “Holy crap, Valentine’s Day is when?!”
That quoted gem came from my 20-year-old son. Proof that after 4th grade (when he agonized over choosing a special chocolate heart for his secret crush), his romantic streak began to deteriorate as his man-brain developed.
Wonderboy only realized it was almost Valentine’s Day because his girlfriend told him she’s taking him snowboarding to celebrate. That’s when I got the phone call: “Mom, what should I get her? She already picked the best gift.”
Of course, I said jewelry. (I like her and I like jewelry, so the venn diagram works.) I suggested an engraved ID bracelet: “You can have her name etched on the top, and the words ‘So I don’t forget.’ on the other side.”
“Not funny,” he said. Maybe because he’s still trying to live down the incident at his company Christmas party when he introduced her and didn’t know her last name. Ok, so maybe he’s not good with details; they’ve only been in a relationship for a year.
After more suggestions: affectionate notes tucked away in places where she’ll find them throughout the day, something from Victoria’s Secret… He shot down every idea with reasons why they weren’t right for her. I tried again: “Girls like public displays of sheer adoration that make their friends nauseous with envy. You could send flowers and a big balloon bouquet to her work.” That idea made it to his “maybe” list. When we got off the phone, he wasn’t any closer to deciding on a Valentine’s Day gift.
That got me thinking about Valentine’s Day, the expectations of women and men, and what they really want:
Top 5 Best Valentine’s Gifts for Women
(dating edition):
Anything that makes my friends say, “Awww…how thoughtful. I wish I had a guy like that.”
Something well planned with attention to detail that involves candles, a fireplace, and your 6-pack abs decorated with Godiva chocolate body paint.
Anything that lets me know you worship my existence and would sell your vintage Star Trek action figures just to prove it.
Something spontaneous and fun that makes me laugh, flip my hair, and hug you—all at the same time.
Whatever gift(s) show you pay close attention to what I like, say, need, want, or care about.
Top 5 Best Valentine’s Gifts for Women
(marriage edition):
Turn your socks right side out.
Don’t leave stray peanuts in between the couch cushions.
Either turn up the heater or let me warm my cold ass/feet/hands on your bare skin.
Tell me I’m beautiful when you don’t have morning wood.
Be happy I’m getting you more AMEX mileage points while buying my own Valentine’s gift at Tiffany’s.
Top 5 Best Valentine’s Gifts for Men
(dating and marriage edition):
Blow job
Repeat 5 times
Ok, maybe the Guy’s List is a bit limited, but I’m pretty sure there wouldn’t be any complaints…
Now I want to know: What are your votes for the best Valentine’s Day gifts?
[*Update* Valentine’s Day gift from Wonderboy to What’s-her-name: Flowers and balloon bouquet to be delivered to the veterinarian clinic where she works, and a gift certificate for an 80-minute massage at Burke Williams Day Spa. He said she once mentioned she always wanted to try a day spa and massage but could never afford it.]
***
Annette Fix is the author of The Break-Up Diet: A Memoir—the heartbreaking and hilarious TRUE story of a 30-something single mother and aspiring writer who is working as an exotic dancer, searching for Prince Charming, and trying to find the perfect balance between her dreams and her day-to-day life as Supermom.
Annette is a believer in happily-ever-after, married to her Danish Prince Charming, mother to a thoughtful but occasionally clueless Wonderboy, and alpha female to two socially retarded dogs.
Visit her blog: The Break-Up Diet to read about her adventures with Botox, bad boys, sugar daddys, and her need for a cougar 12-step program. You can email her directly at annette@annettefix.com.
For the length of her blog tour, Annette will be giving away free digital copies of her memoir. If you’d like a copy, send an email to promo@thebreak-updiet.com, please put “Daily Blonde” in the subject line.
Visit Annette’s Sites:
To purchase The Break-Up Diet, please visit Amazon.com, B&N.com, or any independent or chain bookstore
Hey, your site is very excellent, I came across while in search for shop info on msn and it has very related information on it. Will be sure to come back again and bookmark. Keep up working on it
I truly enjoy this blog.
MaNiC MoMMy,
LOL! Too funny! You are so right! My math sucks. But I bet my hubby doesn’t mind my miscounting!
OK, no fair:
Top 5 Best Valentine’s Gifts for Men
(dating and marriage edition):
Blow job
Repeat 5 times
THAT’S SIX GIFTS!
And even I *SUCK* at MATH! hahah
GREAT, GREAT, GREAT POST!!!
DB, we’ll have to find some time to split chocolate and share horror stories.
Keep fighting the good fight. There is a strong prince out there for you. He just hasn’t come across your awesomeness yet. If I were a guy… I’m just sayin’.
What a great blog!
Thanks, Annette! When I read your book, there were so many times I said to myself, “Crap!! I think I’ve lived this life”….
I can’t tell you how many cups of chocolate pudding I’ve had after a break-up. My most recent one, which should have affected me 10x the way it did, didn’t have that effect. It made me think, “His loss…my gain…someone out there is strong enough to enjoy me for who I am”.
Of course, I will still find any excuse to eat chocolate.
You are my hero…truly!
DB, my cosmic Gemini twin! I still can’t believe our birthdays are only a day apart!
I just want to say thank you so much for hosting my tour! You, dear lady, rock! I wish I’d gotten a chance to chat with more of your readers. They dig you, so they must be cool ppl!
Keep doing what you do so well. Mondo hugs to you.
Shannah & Stacy, thanks for popping by to toast GNO! I'm sorry I missed it. =(
But the book signing was a blast. I absolutely LOVE talking with readers. It's like chatting on Twitter–conversations going in a million directions with different people, but I wasn't wearing fleece pjs and slippers. What a concept.
Stopping by from Ann’s VGNO…
I thoroughly enjoyed your guest blogger! Guess I need to stop by here more often…
GREAT post!
Happy VGNO!
Just stopping by to bring virtual margueritas for GNO. Love the blog and loved the quest blogger! Y’all have a good one!
Shannah
Pat, I’m glad I could provide a laugh for you on DB’s friendly cyberhood blog. She’s a tough act to follow!
Jill, no interruption at all! The more-the-merrier. I'm glad you enjoyed the post! And even happier that you want to buy a copy of the book! Yippee… =)
I'll actually be heading out (into the rain) in about 30 minutes to go to my book signing at Barnes & Noble in Aliso Viejo (CA). But I'll pop back over here and comment whenever anyone wants to chat!
Thanks for leaving a comment!
Got a good laugh from me on the single vs. married gifts. Expectations defintely get downsized with marriage which is why I don’t think I’ll do it again! DB always offers a good read and now in her choice for guest writers as well.
Thanks for always making me laugh!
Sorry to interrupt, Jeff, But I just wanted to say to Annette how much I enjoed this post!! I am going to definitely buy your book!! Okay, now you can go ahead. Thanks, DB for this! You have great connections!!
Annette, you could rent a sailboat for a day and make him VERY happy.
Zero chance of me getting your guy idea tonight. 20 year of marriage…
I actually already own the signed Joe Montana picture.
Jeff, he loves sailing. But until my book sells a few more copies, I can’t swing the 44ft Pacific Seacraft.
My dear, DB, yes, Hemingway is a god, but personally, I’m partial to Virginia Woolf. Too bad about that whole rocks-in-the-pocket thing. =(
Jeff, I hope your Valentine reads this post, so she can work on getting that poster for you! That would be a great personal collector’s item to have!
My hubby got his MBA at Northeastern, but I think the only thing he misses is the clam chowder! LOL
PCH is great, it’s about 2 miles from our house. In the summer in Laguna, it’s more like a parking lot than a highway, but the scenery is good.
Annette, you hubby sounds hard to buy for, but he must love something besides you. As for me, I’m a Notre Dame Grad, so a signed poster would be ideal.
A nice dinner and drive — especially on the Pacific Coast Highway in a convertible, sounds quite nice to me too.
Hello ladies and gentleman (and lurking readers who haven’t yet commented)!
I’ll be here all day, answering questions and responding to comments, so let ‘em fly like that fat baby with the bow and arrow!
Jeff, I don’t think guys are simple-minded–just easy to please. =P
Girl Next Door, a long drive is perfect for talking to your mate–you have a captive audience and there’s no TV remote!
Valentine’s Day (actually every holiday) is hard for me to find something for my hubby. He’s not a tech gadget or car guy, doesn’t wear cologne or watches or jewelry, could care less about sports, and is totally happy in jeans and a t-shirt, so buying him anything materialistic is IMPOSSIBLE! So, just short of renewing his subscription to The Economist, I’m outta luck.
I finally started getting a little creative. He likes to go out and do things, so now I get stuff like concert tickets to see our favorite 80′s bands, a murder mystery dinner, a ride-along in the sheriff’s department helicopter (his favorite gift so far), tickets shows like Cirque Soleil, comedy clubs, live improv, spoken word shows, live theater, and tickets to hockey and baseball games (which I think I like more than he does).
Anyone have any other suggestions for me? I think I’m all tapped out! LOL
Thanks for this great post, Annette. I hope everyone reads this book–it’s absolutely my favorite read outside of Hemingway. Sorry, I had to put Ernest first. You rock.
WOW, just found your blog via Twitter and love love love it. I only hope my blog can be as cool as this one day! You’ve definitely got a new loyal reader!
Good List for Valentine’s Gifts…For me, a perfect Valentine Gift is: Romantic Dinner followed by a Long Drive….
Very timely and amusing. The gift ideas were terrific — for both women and men.
Makes men seem a bit simple-minded, but hey — we are.