Sex, Chocolate and A Good Book. That’s A Stimulus Plan.
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If I hear the word “stimulus” one more time, I think I’ll vomit. It seems to me that getting an extra $13 in your paycheck is NOT cause for celebration. True, it’s more money than I make now because currently I don’t get a paycheck, but what in the name of crap is $13 a week going to buy? Barely three gallons of gas?
It’s on the news, in the papers, all over the internet. Stimulus. Stimulus. Stimulus. I’m not sure if this is really kosher to say, but I can think of a few ways to spend a hell of a lot less than 787 BILLION dollars to get stimulated. A great book…less than $20 (free at the library). A decent vibrator…$25 (or free if you’ve got a partner). A box of chocolate…less than $10 (free if you go to the Lindt Chocolate store at the mall and ask if you can just “sample” one….five times.)
I know, that’s not going to solve the economic crisis, but we’d be a lot happier trying to figure out how to get this country back on track. Sex, chocolate and a good book. Getting back to the basics isn’t such a bad idea.
Let me try to make some sense out of where this 787 billion dollars is going. I know it’s not coming to me. How much sense does THAT make? Well, I don’t need all of it. Maybe just a sliver. OK, I’ll take the $13. I’m not greedy. Wait…if I buy a new car before the end of the year, I can write off the sales tax. Of course, that would equate to about half a car payment. Then I would be in hock for a brand new car just to get a pissy little amount back in my tax refund? Doesn’t make sense to me. I currently have no car payment and very few miles on my car. Keep your dammed sales tax write off. People need jobs, not new car payments.
How about the great incentive of up to $1500 in tax credits if you install energy efficient windows, furnaces or air conditioners in your home? How about you give us the $1500 up front and we’ll get Bob Villa over with this Craftsman tools to get started on our home stimulus project? Who the hell has the money to do upgrades in their home right now? Brilliant plan! The tax credit they get is going to come in handy after their house has been foreclosed on because they lose their job right after putting in those great new windows.
The more I read about all this bailout bull crap, the more my head spins. Well, that happens a lot because I use an awful lot of blond hair dye. That aside, I’m tired of hearing how all of this money is going to help get the country right side up. I can’t offer up a solution but I’m just wondering how this plan is going to affect my children years down the road. Can’t be good.
For now, I’ll just live on a wing and a prayer and hope that I’m offered a job writing nonsense for a company that isn’t going out of business. Just so I can get that extra $13 in my check each week.
Disclaimer: Please don’t get your panties/briefs in a bunch. I’m not trying to make a big political statement here! I support a lot of what Obama is trying to do and give him a ton of credit having to shovel out from under all the crap he walked into. Not trying to be controversial…just having fun. Lighten up…life is too short and stressful otherwise.
I second that!
I like Obama too but I don’t like no prospect of Social Security or the fact that our great-grandchildren will probably still be paying for this package.
Now I’m off to find that vibrator for $25 – can u point me in the right direction?
amen sista!
I love this article! Thank you for it and absolutely agree with you. Though have to say, lucky you, Canadians get only 100.00CAD for the high effecency furnace after installation and 40.00 for high efficency toilet.
All of those things just make me laught. Sometimes I think it is just to take people’s attention aways from analysing what is really going on with economy.
There’s just something about the way you say “stimulus”. Must be all that vibrator talk.
Haha, I am totally picturing a man making a buzzing vibrator noise during sex now.
I don’t know whether my comment came up or not, but I essentially said that I couldn’t agree more. Our kids are going to end up paying for this load of crap, and then we are going to have to work until we’re dead…if there are any jobs left in the US.
I could not agree more! A pile of crap our kids are going to end up paying for. We’ll all be working until we’re dead to pay for it…that is, if there are any jobs still in the US.
Is it too soon to tell you I love you??? Here’s to you Cheryl, for bringing light and levity to an otherwise depressing period in our countries history….plus vibrators. Whats better than vibrators….I am a huge advocate! LOL
Nate, Nate, Nate…that was one long comment. But thanks…now I understand it all a lot better.
LOVE it!
Bailout explained–clearly
This works for USA as well-just substitute billion for trillion and economics professor for Professor Emeritus Finance and Institutionalised Economic Transglobalization)
Explanation of the billion $$$ economic stimulus bill:-
Shortly after class, a student approaches his economics professor and says, “I don’t understand this stimulus bill. Can you explain it to me?”
The professor replied, “I don’t have time to explain it at my office, but if you come over to my house on Sunday and help me with my weekend project, I’ll be glad to explain it to you.” The student agreed.
At the agreed-upon time, the student showed up at the professor’s house. The professor stated that the weekend project involved his backyard pool.
They both went out back to the pool, and the professor handed the student a bucket. Demonstrating with his own bucket, the professor said, “First, go over to the deep end, and fill your bucket with as much water as you can.” The student did as he was instructed.
The professor then continued, “Follow me over to the shallow end, and then dump all the water from your bucket into it.” The student was naturally confused, but did as he was told.
The professor then explained they were going to do this many more times, and began walking back to the deep end of the pool.
The confused student asked, “Excuse me, but why are we doing this?”
The professor matter-of-factly stated that he was trying to make the shallow end much deeper.
The student didn’t think the economics professor was serious, but figured that he would find out the real story soon enough.
However, after the 6th trip between the shallow end and the deep end, the student began to become worried that his economics professor had gone mad. The student finally replied, “All we’re doing is wasting valuable time and effort on unproductive pursuits. Even worse, when this process is all over, everything will be at the same level it was before, so all you’ll really have accomplished is the destruction of what could have been truly productive action!”
The professor put down his bucket and replied with a smile, “Congratulations. You now understand the stimulus bill.”
I personally loved the idea! I am a Obama supporter BUT all this stuff makes my head spin too! So i enjoyed the light heartedness of your post! Thanks
Well, Jeff…I think that a vibrator is a great thing whether you’re in a relationship or not. A great addition to a relationship if it’s used together and it’s a great way to avoid STD’s if you’re single.
Yup. I’m talking openly about vibrators on my blog. Big whoop. Everyone has one. Men who are insecure about women who use them should realize that there are added benefits to having toys in a relationship.
As a man, I hate to see a woman ask for a vibrator when the real thing works just fine. A good book and chocolate would be nice too.
OMG ~ Thank You!! ~ So many of us Elephants & Donkeys alike ~ have been saying the same thing – enough already! And here's to lots of sex, chocolate and good books ~ WooHoo!!!
Jerzegirl: at a home party…lol…because I hosted it and got a discount….HA!
WHOA dude…lighten up! (MrQwerty)
First of all, you assume I am republican? NOT. Don’t assume please…you know what that means.
I was trying to be light in the face of a terrible economic situation. I support Obama and all he’s trying to do. However, some of the plan is not going to save the situation. Who said anything about Terrorism or War?? AND I think my children will have to be a part of this deficit for a long, long time.
You are reading my blog like I’m some political know it all. I’m not…far from it. I’m just adding a little humor to a grim situation. Why is it that I can’t write about religion or politics without someone getting on my back? I don’t expect you to agree with me and I was just keeping it light, like I usually do.
You’ve got me all wrong, pal. You need some chocolate. Relax.
I don’t get how you cosy, blinkered Republican types, who have had it all your own way with the country for decades – and what an absolute mess you’ve made – your last representative brought the country to the very brink of disaster by spending and wasting more money than all the other presidents before him put together.
Along comes someone who wants to give money and power back to real people, not corporations and greedy fat cats, and all you wanna do is rubbish his efforts by alighting on a single soundbyte, just like the right driven press do.
Dunno about you, but ‘Stimulus’ beats the hell out of ‘Terrorism, ‘War’ and ‘The world’s largest deficit’?
LOL a vibrator, chocolate and a good book.
What I want to know is where is you can find a good vibrator for $25.00? The last one I bought was $42.00