Cosmopolitan Magazine. A Guilty Pleasure?
under the covers while a copy of National Geographic was on the bedside table. Little did my parents know when they got me a National Geographic subscription for my birthday that I would actually learn more about naked people than I would in any other magazine. Women paraded around in foreign countries with little more than a bowl of fruit on their head in beautiful pictorials. I began to think it was normal to carry my fruit salad to the table in the buff. Cosmo was mild back then compared to National Geographic. My parents, however, didn’t think so.
Cosmo was intriguing in a fairly unintelligent way when I was in my late teens. I hadn’t even had sex yet (don’t laugh) but I was reading articles like “
how to attract a man” and “your best hairstyle for a sexy bombshell look“. Neither of these really helped me. I’ve always attracted a man who is a complete project and my hair has always been short…so much for that tousledmane I was supposed to have.As I grew up (I’m not sure that’s happened yet) I continued to read Cosmo and my favorite part was to take the quizzes. I’d write my answers down on a separate piece of paper just in case someone else looked at the magazine. God forbid they figured out my score.
Well, the quizzes live on and when I have a moment, I still take them. I certainly know how to answer them to get the desired result (who really wants to be told that when they tally their score they are still the spineless loser they thought they were??). When I do answer honestly, I consider the answers gospel. Those writers at Cosmo really know who I am. Of course, I’m joking, but it’s a fun, guilty pleasure. (as opposed to pleasure that’s not guilty, of course)
Recently I took the quiz: “
Do You Have A Bad Girl Side” as if this would tell me something I didn’t know. When I started taking this particular quiz, I realized that this was more for someone who was twenty-one because the first question was “Ever wind up flirting with your friend’s boyfriends?” I don’t even KNOW anyone with a boyfriend! My oldest daughter is married now…even SHE doesn’t have a boyfriend. My friends are all married and my youngest daughter is eight. (She’d better NOT have a boyfriend or I’ll have to lock her up.)Needless to say, I was done with that quiz pretty quickly. I felt all of my forty-five years when I realized I’ve never been with a man with button fly jeans. It’s never too late, I suppose. I flipped through a few more pages to catch up on what the hell I am missing being a wanna-be Cosmo chick….
There was an article called “
Banish Your Boredom with 8 Kinds of Sex“. I thought to myself how easily I could banish my boredom with sex. Never mind eight kinds! I’m just not sure I like the use of the word “kinds”. I only know one KIND of sex, and that’s the KIND you do naked. If there are others, clue me in.I had to check out my horoscope. Cosmo horoscopes are usually so in line with my life. “
Don’t follow a cute guy home after too many shots of tequila or you might end up embarrassed“. Well, I think I’d rewrite that to say “Don’t chase that stray puppy down the street or you might end up having another pet in the house that you’ll complain about“. Real life vs. Cosmo life. It really is pathetic.This one caught my eye:”
What Makes Men Fall in Love“. Apparently there are four “primal relationship desires” that make a man gaga for the ladies. Here’s some great advice in case you’re out there trying to get a guy to fall in love with you:1.
Give him the desire to protect. Got it. Next time you go on a date, order Calamari and faint when you see the tentacles. He’ll be so turned on by your weak stomach that he’ll ask me on a second date.2.
Give him a job. What?? The one thing men complain about MOST is when women give them things to do. That’s called NAGGING!! So, I’ve tried not to ask any man to help me do ANYTHING. Holy CRAP. Time to get making that honey-do list.3.
Wear soft materials. I do not wear cardboard clothing…so I don’t get this one. I wear soft materials daily and not one man has come up and said “I’m so in love with you and your 100% cotton shirt”. I think if a man is crazy about you, you could be wearing a paper bag and all would be right with the world.4.
Wear his clothes. OK, I think they are referring to throwing on one of his shirts when you sleep over and conveniently “forget” your own clothing. I assume they don’t want you to go out on the town with you wearing their best Brooks Brothers shirt that is ten sizes too big…not exactly a way to flatter your curves. Throw on a baseball cap if you want to appeal to his “Boy” side. Otherwise, go naked. I heard men love that.No matter how many times I read Cosmo, I get a chuckle out of the so-far-fetched articles. I just need to start applying what I’ve learned to my real life. Have a great day. I’ve got to go catch up on my quizzes.
Ohh gotta love Cosmo.
I just let my subscription expire for the first time in about 5 years and, strangely, I don’t miss it all that much.
Oh well…
Ok, here is a little secret, I am a re-born virgin. I have not had Sex in many years. I probably will have to buy a Cosmo to be shown how to have Sex again. So save me the Article about the 8 ways of..well you know what.
But from what I have been told, it is like riding a bike. Once you are on, you won’t forget. But in my case I got to get there first..lol.
This was really interesting..I took those damn quizzes too back when I was in high school.
Ahhh, Cosmo. Gotta love it. My favorite is the confessions, always crack me up.
I think you should contact Cosmo and see if you can write some articles for them. Expand their demographic a bit.
Well I'm not about to start reading Cosmo – it's smut! (grin). Funny too – my mom would get upset with me for browsing slowly through the Sears & Roebuck women modelling underwear section, but reading National Graphic – excuse me, I don't think as a 10-12 yr old I ever READ any of the articles – but gawking at women's naked boobs and butts was OK. Maybe cuz they were Africans? Naked Africans are OK but Caucasian women in their underwear is a no-no? See how confusing being a kid can be? Anyway, they looked beautiful to me, made things go boing in my drawers, and I enjoyed myself immensely.
Good luck with your quiz.
I haven’t read Cosmo in a long time, but remember all of those characteristics and now I miss the quizzes!
Hilarious!
I just posted a creative blogger award for you over on my site: http://texasredbooks.blogspot.com/
Gee, thanks Cheryl! Thanks for picking me up and slamming me down..smack dab into the reality that I didn’t, aren’t, and never will live in that fantasy word… CRAP!
I haven’t read cosomo is so long. You are right, its articles are a bit over the top andnot always realistic…but they are always entertaining at the least!
Gotta love Cosmo. I used to read it religiously, by it fell by the wayside when I had my kids…don’t know why…
By the way, I’ve nominated you for an award. Check out my site for the info!
Interesting post. Loved the ‘Mother of five who serves dinner at 5:30 every night has time to toy with men who wear button fly jeans’ part….
Have fun!